Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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