Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
