I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
