You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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