He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
