She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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