Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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