Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
