at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
