I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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