I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
