i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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