i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
