I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
