even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
