My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
