3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
