ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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