Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
