I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
