there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
