he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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