24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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