Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
