sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
