Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
