I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
