oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
