I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
