my mouth tastes like poor choices
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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