Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
honey bunches of taint.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
