I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
