I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
