she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
