I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
