bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
