Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
