I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
