none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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