ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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