I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I enjoy the company of your penis
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