SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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