This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
