you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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