My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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