I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
