I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
