If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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