He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
