so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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