I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
