You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
