wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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