The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
