I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
