JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
