Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
