You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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