So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So squirting runs in the family.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
