i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
