the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
