I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
