Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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